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Monday, August 22, 2016

Anxiety....Yay

If I ever suffered from anxiety as a child, I don't remember it. Sure I did experience some test anxiety in high school and college - when it was a big test - but I am pretty sure that is totally normal. My anxiety as an adult decided to rear its ugly head about three weeks before my wedding. And for the record let me state... I WAS NOT worried about marrying Steven, he is by far the best life decision I have ever made...but the world around me was spinning and the desire for perfection was overwhelming and I just couldn't handle it. I remember calling the doctors office crying and telling the nurse everything that was going on. I felt like a complete nut job. After she discussed it with the doctor, they put me on medication.

I swore that I wasn't going to take it on my wedding day. Around 10:45 that morning, I started crying for no reason. It felt like my throat was closing up and everyone around me was so happy and cheery and I couldn't freaking handle it. My MOH quietly went up to my room (we were getting ready at my parents house) and got the medicine out of my purse and I downed it with a mimosa. Other than Ashley (moh), my mom and the wedding planner, no one knew anything was going on. Luckily, things got better and I felt SO RELIEVED once I got to see Steven. Then once we started taking group pictures and everyone was laughing, my nerves went away.

Never again have I felt that feeling. Until three weeks ago when we started trying to pick out colors for the exterior of our house. The painter was literally there, just sitting in Sherwin Williams watching my mom and I pick out paint. I picked out the colors for the inside of my house in less than 30 minutes, so I figured this would be a breeze right? HA! Not only do I have to look at the outside everyday, so does everyone else. UGH.

Today is one of those days where I have anxiety for no good reason. I woke up feeling refreshed, ready to take on Monday. I was mentally planning my grocery list for the week, thinking about what I was going to work-out at the gym tonight and contemplating my outfit for a fashion show that I'm attending on Thursday evening. Good, right? I mean, I wasn't even upset about the fact that its Monday.

Now I sit here writing this post. I don't even have the mental capacity to write about our weekend. I feel like I HAVE to write about this. So there you have it folks, a wonderful anxiety-filled blog post on what is supposed to be a good day. This is real life, sometimes the blog gets filled up with all of the "pretty" things in life and we don't write about the ugly, real, nitty-gritty stuff is is actually real life. Here's to hoping that tomorrows blog post will be a little bit better than todays!

"There isn't enough room in your mind for worry and faith. You must decide which one lives there."

5 comments:

  1. Adult onset anxiety ... I feel you. I never had any problems until 3-4 years ago, and the weirdest smallest things would all of the sudden trigger the most unreasonable, heart wrenching, fear of ... i mean, you name it. Awful. It comes and goes, but best believe I've got meds if it comes.

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  2. Thank you for sharing the "real" life moments with us! My husband is actually going through all of this right now, so I completely understand! If you don't mind me asking, which medicine did they give you for your anxiety? We are trying to find something that works for my husband! Hang in there girly, you're not alone! Prayers, friend!

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  3. Love you lady. And anxiety is the pits, but meds are great. just wait til you have kids.

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  5. I've had anxiety ever since I started college 10 years ago. After years of trying to find the right medicine for me, (everyone is different!) I've been able to treat it and continue my daily life like normal. Some days are harder than others but always know you're not alone!! Being honest and taking care of yourself are the most important things!

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